Tending Body Life
For deacons, elders, and others in caring ministry and spritual leadership.
Safe and sound
By Kimberlee Greenawalt
For years Laura, Greg, and Nicole had been youth sponsors in their congregation. They really enjoyed their youth group but had some concerns about flirtatious behavior among some of the teens.
One evening at a youth meeting, Gina, an attractive 17-year-old, moved her hips suggestively from side to side as she settled into a seat in the middle of the couch, squeezing between two guys. The guys looked up in confusion. Greg walked over to the couch and told Gina firmly: “Six inch rule, Gina! Come on, leave those guys alone!” He turned to move away, and as he did Gina reached up and grabbed his elastic shorts and yanked, revealing part of his buttocks.
Greg was above reproach in his behavior with the youth. Yet even he was vulnerable to charges of inappropriate behavior. Had Gina been angry and looking for ways to create problems for him, she could have claimed that he had exposed himself inappropriately. But because Greg’s congregation had a sexual safety policy and had provided training in sexual liability, Greg was well protected.
Because there were other youth present, Greg had witnesses to defend his behavior if it were questioned. Although Laura had already left for the evening, Nicole was still in the room. Even if she did not see what had happened, her very presence would help to protect against allegations.
A hospitable church cares about sexual safety.
Although the situation and characters here are fictional, it is one of many potential sexual safety scenarios that congregations everywhere face. Sometimes, as in this case, it’s a matter of protecting adults against false allegations. Sometimes it’s a matter of protecting youth from adult youth workers who cross boundaries of acceptable behavior.
Still, many congregations are reluctant to think and to talk proactively about sexual safety issues. Some years ago one of our districts asked me to do a presentation on sexual safety guidelines for churches. A few pastors in attendance were skeptical of the need for such guidelines. One even asked, “Who recommended this? Insurance companies just want us to do their work for them!”
Many congregations are reluctant to think and to talk proactively about sexual safety issues.
I looked at this man incredulously, thinking, “Do you not know about the young boy who was molested in your own church five years ago?” I did not say that, because at the time, actual abuse in our churches was not being acknowledged.
One reason congregational leaders in traditional Mennonite communities are reluctant to talk about guidelines is that they feel they already know their kids and their parents. Such close-knit fellowship is indeed a blessing, but it doesn’t make our communities invulnerable to abuse: victims of sexual abuse usually know and trust their abusers. Furthermore, as we seek to reach beyond our traditional communities, it is possible that more people with sexual brokenness will be worshipping with us.
What is a sexual safety policy?
A sexual safety policy is a written set of guidelines and procedures designed to keep people in a congregation safe. Some common guidelines include:
- a requirement that doors to rooms where pastoral counseling takes place have windows;
- an application process for all volunteers and staff who work with youth and children, complete with references and background checks;
- procedures for reporting inappropriate behavior; and
- training on sexual safety.
Guidelines can also include specific rules on appropriate touch. A more controversial policy that some churches have adopted is to prohibit one youth and one adult to be alone together at any time.
A policy should also articulate how allegations are to be handled. In the case of Gina and Greg above, because his church had a sexual safety policy Greg would have known to whom and how he should report the incident with Gina, further protecting himself against litigation.
Sexual safety policies are especially important in protecting against pedophiles and situational offenders. Pedophiles know that church is one of the easiest places to get close to young people. They might volunteer or even apply to be paid as youth workers. These abusers often have some sort of police file, and hearing that their history will be checked will quickly discourage most from getting involved. Situational offenders fall into temptation when the opportunity presents itself. Following a detailed policy will reduce the number of tempting situations.
Check your church’s insurance coverage.
Sexual safety policies have value in themselves, but they are also required for insurance coverage related to sexual misconduct. If a congregation is serious about sexual safety, it will have such coverage included in its general insurance policy. The administrator or trustee who looks after the congregation’s insurance should make sure the insurance company offers sexual safety insurance options. Decisions will need to be made about how much coverage to have, and whether to cover only legal representation or possible settlements as well. The church should also decide whether all members should be covered or just church staff.
Guide One, a large U.S. church insurance agency, recommends that each congregation form a safety and liability committee to oversee the practices of its various groups. The details of the committee’s responsibilities could be included in the sexual safety policy. The committee stays up-to-date on policy changes and would likely be the first to hear any allegations should they occur.
In a culture in which many people lack healthy nonsexual relationships, our churches have an opportunity to model and teach loving, appropriate ways of relating. Our society does not always have clear definitions of what is appropriate behavior, so the church can provide leadership in this area. No one should have to learn the hard way.
Sexual safety policies cannot prevent every possible incident, but they go far in reducing the risk that someone will be victimized through sexual abuse or false accusations. When people are victimized in church programs, they will never again look at the church in the same way, and even God might appear less trustworthy. Working at sexual safety speaks to the very heart of what we want for those in our churches: that all will feel at home in the church community and will learn to rest in the safety of the arms of Jesus.
Sample policy
Kimberlee Greenawalt’s sample policy can be downloaded at:
http://vmconf.org/youth/sexual-safety-policy.doc
Kimberlee Greenawalt has been conference youth minister for Virginia Mennonite Conference for seven years. She lives in Harrisonburg, Virginia.